Being a Southerner

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit , and that you don't " HAVE " them, you " PITCH " them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
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Eve n Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck , a good ol' boy , and po' white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," ... we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, yall is singular, .... Well, I caught myself lookin' ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and _____

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say ,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, .... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all yall need a sign to hang on yalls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
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Bless your hearts, . yall have a blessed day .